For a Lifetime

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery

BY: By T'Mara Goodsell

If I had to sum up friendship in one word, it would be comfort.
~Adabella Radici

One of the loneliest feelings in the world is the knowledge that the relationship that I had counted on to last a lifetime... didn't. It's during these moments -- during the bleakest days of dragging through a divorce -- that I find myself aching for a miracle.

Curiously, it's just these times when a friend seems to appear.

Sometimes it's a phone call from my oldest friend, Nancy. I've known her longer than anyone, and she has a talent for getting right to the heart of a matter. She always understands the very deepest part of me. When I hang up the phone, I always feel younger than the day I first met her.

Other times, I'm lucky enough to hear from Pam. I've known her for thirty years now, and I can tell her anything. It's amazing to me what comfort there is in that. And sometimes, what fun there is in that. Our conversations are often unusual, but they always leave me smiling.

Then there is Bea, a relatively new friend who understands a lot more about what I am going through than I ever would have guessed. She knows what to say and what not to say. She sends cards that make me laugh when I need it most. When it's often all I can do to get through the day, her positive attitude and infectious giggle never fail to act as a tonic, leaving me feeling uplifted and revived.

Fran is my old friend and jogging buddy who knows to pick up the pace on days when I need to run off the extra anger, and to stroll on days I just need to talk. She has a talent for finding cards that capture just the right sentiment so that I can have a reminder when she isn't around.

Nina never fails to offer wisdom, insight, and guidance when I need them the most.

Patsy has a talent for distractions and resources.

Jane sends e-mails that make me think. Margie sends e-mails that touch me deeply. Deb sends e-mail jokes that make me laugh until my stomach hurts.

At a time in my life when I feel stranded and alone, some friends make a point of "checking in" to see how I'm doing, and some make sure the children and I always have plans for the holidays.

There are the friends who know how to be there, and the friends who know how to listen. There are those who offer perspective and ones who know how to be silly. There are the ones who -- bless their hearts! -- are willing to rearrange their schedules in order to make precious time for me, all because they know just how valuable a real friend is.

Most amazing of all are the friends who teach me (usually by example, like the gentlest and wisest of teachers) how to forgive.

Every single one of them teaches me that even in the darkest of days, I can always make out the shapes of happiness if I strain enough to see. They teach me that not every relationship lasts a lifetime -- but that we will always have a lifetime of relationships.

If anyone were to ask me what helps most in a divorce, I would tell them: friends. Good friends. They teach me that when I ask for a miracle to help me through the rough spots, I get friends who help me through the rough spots instead. And that makes them the miracle I needed all along.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/Chicken-Soup-For-The-Soul/2009/10/For-a-Lifetime.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER