Chicken Soup for the Soul: My New Life

Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Cancer Book

BY: Debra Manford

I live in Canada, in a small town called Atikokan in northwestern Ontario, surrounded by lakes, rivers, and streams. We have a human population of about 3,000, and a mosquito population of three billion. At the present time, we have a huge black bear wandering the streets and making a nuisance of itself. It was spotted about six houses down from me last night. That's just one of the many benefits of living in the wild, like having the nearest fully equipped hospital three hours away by car.

I am a fifty-three-year-old woman. I have two part-time jobs and always thought I had all the time in the world to go on trips and take a holiday or to make things right and get in touch with old friends. I always thought I had all the time in the world to do the things you plan on doing -- someday, tomorrow, next week, or perhaps next year.

In one day, with one phone call, my life has changed. I will never be the same person again and that is a strange, mixed-up feeling. I still have so much left to do!

I was too busy to visit the doctor on a yearly basis, too busy to listen to my body, too busy to be sick. Finally, I listened. My body was telling me that something was not right and I made an appointment for a physical. Ever since, I've been on a roller coaster of blood tests, urine tests, ultrasounds, and then, the phone call. They found a large tumor on my right kidney and are sending me for a scan to find out whether it is cancer or not.

I do not know what the diagnosis will be. To say that it does not matter would be a lie. Of course it matters, but probably not in the way most people would think.

When the doctor first called, I felt as though she had kicked me in the stomach. For a moment, I thought I would be sick. I definitely had to tell myself to breathe, and a million and one thoughts raced through my brain, fogging everything else she said after the word "tumor."
I realized I might not have all the time in the world, after all.

So, what do I do? I have decided I will live a fuller life, regardless of the outcome of my scan. Today, I will write a letter to my best friend and tell her how much her friendship means to me. Today, I will phone my sons and daughter, and tell them how very much they mean to me. And today, I will plant my flowers.


Is there a support group for people who wait?

***

The tumor is not in my kidney as they originally thought. I do not have kidney cancer. The tumor is confined to my adrenal gland, and as far as they can tell, there is no spreading. They will be removing the whole adrenal gland and doing a biopsy afterwards. It is my understanding that removing an adrenal gland is complicated, so I continue to have blood tests, urine tests, etc. Apparently, there is some medical preparation that needs to take place before this operation can happen; I am probably looking at two more months of waiting, depending upon whether this tumor is functioning or non-functioning. The doctor tells me adrenal cancer is very rare.

***

There is a certain amount of freedom in accepting what you cannot control. When I tried to explain this to my daughter, she became angry with me. I told her I was not afraid of death, just pain. I guess that is part of my faith. I have learned from this experience -- no matter how much you and your family love each other, there are certain thoughts that are difficult to share, for whatever reason. Some of my family members do not mention the word "cancer." They do not ask me how I feel because I guess they are more afraid than I am of what I am going to say. My mother and I, on the other hand, have discussed all the possibilities, good and bad, and I appreciate her honesty.

***

Today, when I woke and my feet hit the floor, I thanked God for the good life I have had, and hopefully, will continue to have, and I realized I don't do that often enough. Today, I think about how I am going to live the rest of my life as a more loving, giving, and thankful person. Strangely enough, mixed in with all the other emotions I have at the moment, I have joy. All in all, I feel more alive than ever.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/Chicken-Soup-For-The-Soul/2010/09/My-New-Life.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER&nlsource=49&ppc=&utm_campaign=DIBSoup&utm_source=NL&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_term=mail.ru