Chicken Soup for the Soul: Devotional Stories for Women
BY: Jacqueline M. Gaston
God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
When I learned I was expecting twins, I was bound and determined to have everything under control. I had the schedules; I had the color-coded clipboards to implement those schedules; I had all the parenting books to refer to; and, I had the baby gear. I was going to be one of those mothers who did it all.
I would work fulltime as well as be a fulltime mother and manager of the household. I was going to maintain my friendships, keep a clean house, cook nutritious meals that everyone would eat without fuss, organize play dates, and take the kids on community outings. Through all of this, I would keep my sanity and look fantastic!
Truthfully, I had a meltdown on the second day back to work. I was balancing the aspects over which I had perceived control in the safe environment of my home, but I did not have that luxury at work.
It became apparent rather quickly that maintaining the household and my career were impossible at the level that I had set for myself. I could not be the teacher and employee that I was before my twins arrived while continuing to be the mother that I had become. Since staying at home was not a financial option for our family, I had to succumb to letting go of my professional aspirations for my familial responsibilities. Initially, I perceived this as failure, but I later learned it was a lesson in humility.
Doing it all perfectly is no longer my priority; just doing what is right for my family is. Now that the twins are exploring the preschool years, I am reminded daily that control is an illusion. The house is never as clean as I had imagined, and meals are chaotic at best. Temper tantrums, public outings, and illnesses remind me that I could not possibly be as clairvoyant as I had planned. But now I'm okay with not having total control. As we get through each day, I realize who really has control over everything.
thank you for bringing me to the realization
that perfection in all areas of my life
is not my goal.
I relinquish my need for control
to your care.
I know that you will always give me
the strength to do my best
for my family and my career.